When you feel stuck

Shall I drop the bomb right away or shall I wait a little longer?

No, I’m going to drop it.

You get out of it by going in. Sorry peeps, I can’t make it any nicer.

When you’re stuck in your life, you don’t know how to move on. You probably go round in circles, worry a lot, sleep badly and with a bit of bad luck you also have physical complaints.

Last week I had such a moment of being stuck. And it was incredibly painful. Someone said something that touched me deeply.


So how did I react to my suffering? With love and compassion?

Hell NO!

I felt a deep pain in my body and emotionally I was very very sad. And no matter which coaching tool was used, nothing changed. Nada.

I heard myself thinking: something is very wrong with me. I noticed that I was withdrawing, my humor was gone and sleeping didn’t go too well either.

What happened was: I had come across one of my old patterns, also called shadows. And my reaction to that pattern was with the same pattern (something is wrong with me, I’m not doing the things in my life the righ way).

Since my stress response was turned on by the trigger, my clear thinking was off. This was the reason that I had a list of my five biggest shadows in my drawer for years. There is something wrong with me, is one of the five (along with: there is no space for me, it is dangerous to let my anger or my intuition be heard or seen, I am not loved and I am not valuable).

I had come to believe that something was wrong with me because I had been triggered AGAIN. I should be totally OK with myself by now (fallacy, fallacy, I know)

Well, and once you see it, you can’t not see it. Just seeing that it is something old, a shadow, gives space in body and life. And then you can make different choices and connect with beliefs that provide connection and freedom.

I watched a fascinating documentary Stutz yesterday, in which psychiatrist Phil Stutz talks about shadows and how we all have them. He says: “Occasionally your shadow wants attention, to be seen, otherwise it will express itself in an unpleasant way in your life. And it always has a message for you.”

The message from my shadow was: stand up for yourself. Own your authority in all areas of your life.

WOW, I really wouldn’t have wanted to miss that one!

I imagine that you get stuck every once in a while too. Wandering around in your own head and life and not seeing a way out. How do you deal with this? Trying to find your way out or going in?

Next time when it happens, try this. Sit with yourself. Close your eyes. Feel your body. Be with yourself with as much love and compassion as possible.

Now imagine that your shadow is in front of you (or perhaps behind you, then turn around). What does it look like? Does it change when it’s being seen? What does it stand for? Perhaps for not being appreciated, thinking you’re doing everything wrong or not feeling loved or wanted? To name a few of those bastards.

Ask your shadow: do you have a message for me? Listen very carefully. Sometimes it’s there straight away, sometimes it needs some time. Thank your shadow. Then take a few deep breaths and open your eyes.

When you need help with this, please contact me for a session.


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