I can’t ignore it anymore, I hear so little that it must attract my attention. At first it was funny that I heard other things than what was said, I could also hear really nice things. But when I have to ask my boyfriend or others for the umpteenth time: what do you say? the joke is over.
With a lot of procrastination and the occasional cry, which I see as mourning, I make an appointment with the hearing aid store. Soon I will be fitted with a hearing aid. It is no coincidence that in recent weeks the theme in the air has been about listening deep within myself. I felt just yesterday that when I get triggered, my energy is going up with a lot of words and tears. And that my deaf ears invite me to go down and feel and listen there. Deep feeling and listening.
My body is a wise counselor. For example, my thyroid disease taught me to speak fearlessly. Fearless does not mean without fear, but with the fear. My chronic migraine, which is no longer chronic because I see the message, has told me that I put pressure on myself or let others put pressure on me. Or that I let my anger implode instead of feeling and expressing it. And my neck, which occasionally hurts, warns me that I’m sticking my head out like an antenna to tune in too much to others. In recent years I have guided hundreds of people to curiously explore the message that is under their physical complaints. Are all these physical complaints over? Sometimes. And if they are still there, they are often much less painful. They are messengers on my life path. They show me that I have stepped into an old trap again. By looking at them every time, there will be softening. And yes, there is also some resistance to do that at first. And then I run from it or fight it, which only increases the pain.
And then I stop and listen.
(Deaf Quail: Dutch expression for someone who is really deaf)